is the honeymoon over?

I think its fair to say in all relationships there comes a point that normality sets in. You know, everything just slows  down and begins to take a more realistic turn. You run out of things to talk about other than your day from time to time. You no-longer have to check the mirror 20times before making a video call. You start to act very very naturally with one another. It is about this time that body noises make an appearance, and words don't always have the sweetness about then they used to.

It is often at points like these that couples think the high of what they shared may not just be all it was cracked up to be. This is where many begin to start questioning what they have.  Are we even compatible? Did we just lie to each other for the past several months? etc etc.

This happens at some point to everyone, albeit not everyone has doubts or fears -  but we are all faced with a change somewhere along the road. Reality often hits us hard and fast when the romantic notion of love makes way for the deep and meaningful knowing of a person. I believe there are many people who never evolve past this place and are continually seeking that fairy-tale excitement- that wears off when something becomes routine in our life. If we can get past this place and learn the value of love from a deep, unconditional acceptance, then we get to experience something much more magical.

James and i have been forced into situations that have allowed us to grow in what we share. Alas as with any growth it is often fraught with some measure of pain. But mostly this pain comes in the form of ego, resistance and negative self beliefs. The need to be right often comes at the price of happiness and peace. Learning to love and accept the things that makes someone unique, and focusing on what you love about that person rather than what causes you to be frustrated is a great way to encourage more of that in someone. When we give up the need to control others thinking and attempt to get constant validation for our own way of thinking, we are set free from being let down when someone we love doesn't agree. This in itself was a huge lesson for me. I finally figured out that i wasn't always going to be right. (even if i was to my own mind) Because its perception, beliefs and life's experiences that causes the concept of Right and wrong. So if you have different perceptions to me - you are going to see things from a different place! This is not a personal attack on my beliefs...simply a new perspective. One, which if i add it to my own will give me more vantage points to see the world from. This was a profound truth for me.

James and i always get through the tough times of being separated by distance when we remember what it is that we  have given one another on the inside. What our relationship has created, and the wonderful things that made us fall in love in the first place. And finding the balance between it all, is what makes us KNOW that no-matter what life throws at us, we can choose to be happy, and nurture the love we share.

joanna xo
 

the perils of distance

It has been about 2 months since jimmy and i left one another's sides. This time has been filled with a variant of emotionally challenging moments. Some which i have found strange and interesting as issues within myself began to surface.

Here we are, thousands of miles apart. Plodding out our daily lives through the medium of Skype and email!! Were we crazy? definitely...laughs but that only adds to the beauty of what we share.

Two months of huge emotional changes, concerns, love, acceptance and growth have us both cherishing this blissful start to our marriage. Whilst not in the least conventional, nor convenient, we KNOW that we have our communication down to an art. After all...what else do we have right now?

Jimmy and i started the complex process of getting me and the kids into his country. Via our CR1 visa. (or K1 i believe) in order to make this whole process a lot less complicated we decided to use a specialist company that prepare your paperwork and give you guidance and support along the way. We chose Rapidvisa.com

I have to say they have been a great help. We filled out our paperwork online, had things sent and sorted with little fuss. We are currently in the longest "waiting" part of the process, where documentation is being reviewed prior to being sent to the Australian embassy for processing and interview procedures.

As hard as this whole thing might appear to some of you - its been the most beautiful and unique way for us to really really learn the art of connecting in order to fufill the others emotional needs. I know i have grown through so many things. And above all God and trust, and love is the complete center of our union.

During this time apart, Jimmy has built an additional room to cater to the extended teenage body count. I have been preparing my business for sale, and tiding up the ends of my life in Australia. I am having my final summer in beautiful port macquarie for who knows how long?! I am determined to enjoy the pristine ocean, and incandescent dawns over white sandy beaches as much as i possibly can.
After all, i will be heading into snow for the first time in my life! (But i will be sporting a fabulous tan!) which no one will see under the 12 doonas taped to my body. ;)

James has promised he will easily be able to teach me how to ski...which i guess is one upside, also a white Christmas will certainly be a novelty for sometime to come. No more shrimps on the barbie for me. I really am so excited for the wonderful journey we are all about to embark on. I feel so blessed, so loved, and truly understood, for the first time by another man in this lifetime.

ok so enough with the lovey dovey. I'll keep you posted with the VISA stuff as it unfolds.
joanna xo


"I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have 
you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling 
you lies." - Pietro Aretino

Magic

...thats the only way i could describe my time with jimmy...pure and utter - god created magic! From the moment we met after an anxiety ridden day of lost communication, and sleepless travel, we just fell into each others arms. Super excited for what the next weeks would hold for our relationship.

Meeting one another was a strange, wonderful, anxious moment for us both. Me as a girl, whom had been travelling for over 20hrs, was jet lagged, looking less than fresh and restful, and trying to be cool calm and collected.

Jimmy as an organised individual was giving himself a tension miagraine worrying about wether i had actually made it into the country (my phone hadn't worked since i left australia).

It was about a 1.5 hr drive from cinncinnatti to grove city. So this gave us plenty of time to either feel incredibly awkward, or bond as my man would say like, "peas and carrots." I think it was more like tomato sauce and pies. We knew after a few hours together this was even more than we could have dreamed it would be.

I wont go into all the "mushy details" but our first kiss was ah-mazing, and well we just knew that we were created for one another - mentally, spiritually AND physically.

Over this first week we went on lots of dates; the zoo, the football (which was awesome), the comedy club, dinner theatre, loads of meals out, and plenty of time snuggling on the sofa doing nothing but holding one another and "breathing one another in".


Hours seemed to go in minutes. It was less than one week of being together that we both knew with pressing urgency that we were to be married.

It was the morning of sep1st, that we made that decision and wed at a small chapel in columbus. It was the most wonderful moment of both our lifes. I was wearing a $10 sundress i had brought before i left australia from an op-shop i fell in love with, and jimmy wore his grandfathers shoes. It was so surreal, even now we look back and laugh at how irrational that whole time was from the sense of where our lives usually sit. Irrational, but perfect. We are so in love with one another, and very much looking forward to growing old playing yahtzee on the porch of our home somewhere beautiful -being able to look back on the colourful memories that filled our journey together.

One week of marital bliss, then i was heart wrenchingly ripped from the arms of my love...without knowing when we would be beside each other again. I left for australia feeling like a war bride, my heart so filled with love, yet so burdened with longing.

It was about 2 weeks after i returned (and we fell back instantly into our skype and email routine, but it wasn't the same) that we had the first lot of our paperwork ready for my and my childrens Visa (entry to US) application.
It was nice to feel like something was happening. Those first two weeks being back felt like months. We both got alittle teary when we realised how little time had actually passed. But now we are focusing on what needs to be done and learning to find new and creative ways to maintain our joy from an ocean apart. 

And really, while its not the preferred way to enter into a marriage i cant think of a better foundation. We have no choice but to learn how to give each other everything we need from an emotional, and spiritual place.  Imagine expressing a hug with words instead of actions...you have to learn alot about someone to be able to do this with any measure of success.

I love you jimmy you make my world brighter, my heart beat faster, and my smile lines deeper.

xo

email

it wasn't long before jimmy and i (james) started our love affair with email. It was one of those beautiful things we looked forward to everyday.
i don't really understand how simple words on a page can envoke such strong emotional responses - but they certainly did. And soon enough we started to yearn for these letter of the heart.

There were times where we would get so caught up in the moments that reality would subside and we forgot that our lives were thousands of miles apart.

before we knew it we decided that we needed to have our first skype date! But as a warm up to this we sent one another videos (which i highly recommend). If you can get past your self esteem long enough to stop obsessing over the way your mouth looks when you talk or the wrinkles when you smile. This will serve as a great ice-breaker to having someone actually staring and grinning back at you initally!

We sent a few videos back and forth of our homes and our towns never really being sure of what was going to come of any of it. All i knew was, i had asked god to bring me my husband and i was open to whatever form, place or planet he was at.

By this point i sure liked Jimmy, and i wanted nothing more than to find more and more ways to spend time together.

along came skype....

our first date was fun and it didn't take long for us to be laughing and looking forward to many many more.

There really hasn't been a day since we first started communicating that we haven't either written or seen one another.

Skype turned into the most amazing tool to grow love over such a grand distance. I was always either waking jimmy up first thing, and watching his sleepy grin as he spoke to me hazily. Or i was being put to sleep by his comforting words and loving heart.

Everyday our love was growing. It wasn't long (about 1 month in) that we realized we needed to see one another in the flesh. So we began to arrange a vacation for me to visit columbus OHIO.

During the next month our kids began to chat to one another on skype too, and we just couldn't help but feel alittle excited about the possibilities that were somehow playing out, right before our skeptical eyes.

Aug 26th....touch down in Ohio...

skip a few

well, it feels like i lifetime since i first began talking to james. Its not been, if i was totally honest its been about 3 months all up.
in three months who knew that one could go from a few emails and smiles to full blown love and marriage????
WT...? yep you heard me correctly!
but before we get to this, we need to back track a few months and fill in the blanks...

slow?

Its funny to think about now, but how in the world do you slow down a relationship of the heart? First of all you have to understand that any of these people i was communicating with could have been mr right...they all had the potential to be. Most of these men (without doing a single thing) were more suited to me than an entire list of what i wanted in a partner!
  Then of course, there are the ones you find physically attractive too. Only one base left, for the perfect home run!  When god moves two hearts together, and somehow your the only two people on the planet that could ever be so compatible, so perfect for one another, and so out of your mind crazy with how rediculous all this sounds, that you just KNOW it has to be right! This is the kind of love that is so deep you cant find human words to describe it, you get overwhelmed with joy thinking about it, and it changes the way you think, act, see and hear everything in your world! It brings out the best in you, but also knows the worst in you. It respects, it yearns, it links and it shares.
  So this brings me back to the question we started with. How in the world do you slow down a  relationship of the heart? YOU DONT. Not one that god has put together anyway.
  You see i very much trust god with my husband picking, as my device for such a job has been broken for, oh lets say 15yrs!!! I think he has it all figured out alittle better than i do right now. And god is making that evident in both our hearts.
  One problem, only minor. And whats a problem for God anyway? NOTHING...right? James lives on the otherside of the world. And we have yet to meet in person. And already god has made our hearts, minds and spirits so sewn together that we are ruined for any other relationship ever?! once again, crazy talk. I know i know, i am a 33 year old mum. I have my own business, dreams, goals, passions, an established life here in australia. And yet god has showed me this new, huge, awesome life that he has planned for me, my children and  what he is going to do through this new relationship. I have been asking god to direct my walk and believing he would for so long now, why is it i would question what i have received?....who am i to question? My spirit is seeking god, and god first and that is why i believe it when god tells me, this is for real.
  But i'm not sure the rest of those in my inner circle will be so happy. How do i explain something that i myself do not understand? It is a spiritual connection first and foremost. What about the children's fathers? (yes there are 2) things could get alittle overwhelming here if it wasnt for the peace i feel. but man oh man... this is what it is. And i have to start letting everyone know so they can be prepared for what is going to happen next...

eharmony

Well, i guess there is no hiding it now.

Several weeks ago i was tempted to begin browsing the endless "classifieds" of the online singles market. I must say, that while i viewed this as an extremely acceptable thing for others to do, it certainly wasnt something i would ever admit to doing myself. I am merely 33, and have never struggled to find a relationship ever. However i've never been married, have been left at the alter more than once and haven't got the best track record for finding suitable 'life partners'.
 
Alas 5 weeks on and here i am, telling the whole world.

It all began as a harmless research project for my best friend D. She is in her 40's and is very ready to met mr Right. According to the stats and endless moaning by woman, finding love over 40's isn't as easy as one would think. In order to give D the best odds possible eharmony seemed like the logical choice. Bere in mind we live in a small seaside community. I think this whole thing was my idea, in all honesty and perhaps i even dare i say hustled her along on the search front. But back to my story...

It began harmlessly enough - free profile, get your matches for free, etc. Well after 1 hour of answering questions about myself and what it is i wanted in someone else i was beginning to understand how this system of matching might just be on to something.

eharmony have a great marketing strategy. They show your profile to other matches, but no-one can communicate with you unless you sign up. Well i wasn't thinking of signing up, but i wasnt about to waste all that effort either...besides what could it hurt?

Oh deary me, here began an obsession with online dating. My iphone lived in my hands those first few weeks, no matter where i was i was laughing, writing, reading, archiving potential matches...by this point i had almost forgotten this was supposed to be about D, and not me!

It didnt take long for me to figure out who i liked and who i didnt. But every single match had the potential to be Mr Right, so long as i could factor in the chemistry. So i admit, the first week especially i was obsessed and loving the attention. But then when i started to think about it, i felt guilty.

Prior to this i had been spending time in prayer recently thanking god for sending me a wonderful, spiritual, loving husband, that i could nurture and enjoy sharing this journey with. And here i was taking matters into my own hands! Sigh, i almost quit right then and there...

BUT...

something was beginning to happen to my heart,

and his name, was

James